Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
