I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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