I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
