shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
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My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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