i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
