Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
