I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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