is your mom at the bar?
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Randomize
