CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
