Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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