you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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