I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
