if i can run in heels then i can drive
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
