I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
