we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
