well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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