He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
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i may or may not be watching the land before time
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
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When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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