"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
