i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
