Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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