weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
