We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
How naked do you want me to be?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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