Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
