Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
