I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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