omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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