see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
