I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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