smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
