Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
please come you make the beer taste better
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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