i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
