You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
