Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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