hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
