I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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