You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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