Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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