mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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