I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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