The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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