So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
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Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
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If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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