I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
