okay pat passed out under dana's car
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
