I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
