All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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