I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
