oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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