Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
