so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Randomize
