I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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