So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
