He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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