Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
