all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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