break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
