That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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