That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
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