I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
