hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
