I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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