Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
