At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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